All kinds of articles and books out there for dealing with toxic people in your life, but what happens when your very job is toxic? What happens when you are a Federal employee – who is not a Vet and so therefore you are pretty much stuck in your position – and you can’t ‘just get a new job’?
This place is soul-sucking!
So, I suck at this blog. But I think it’s just THIS blog. I thought I could be interesting and witty and well … nice.
I’ve been wondering why this blog looms over my head and yet I can’t seem to find my way back here. And it’s because I’m always nice. I’m nice at home. I’m nice at work. I’m nice when my stepdaughter spends four hours telling me what a horrible person I am. I wanted to be nice on here too.
I’ve said on here a couple of times that I keep going to the negative and I didn’t want to do that. All of the bloggy friends that I’ve made on here – you do ‘nice’ so well. Some of you still have small children to tell wonderful stories about. Some of you are creative and you can write well. Some of you are so funny that you really should be on stage! But this blog, it’s a struggle for me. I’ll type out a post and think that it’s just not nice enough … it’s just another post of me complaining. I keep going back to my “smart ass” (as my stepdaughter calls me) self. But you know what? Smart-ass is what I do best. Why not embrace it? Why not give the a voice and a home to the part of me that needs it the most?
I’m not shutting Buzzin By down. I don’t want to lose what I struggled to put here. As novice as it was/is – I don’t want to lose it. Not yet.
A little while ago … when I first felt that I needed to go in another direction, I started another blog. One that I thought suited me more. I didn’t follow through because I struggled with myself saying (and I struggle with myself a lot) “why can’t you just stay at the nice blog and be nice and witty?” I felt like I shouldn’t blog the other way. But the other blog is the one that continues to call to me. It’s the one that I wake up almost every day with something that would like a voice.
If anyone even still stops by here and if you’re so inclined, please feel free to stop by A Tired Wife and visit my smart-ass self. You won’t find long, well-thought out posts there. You won’t find creative genius. It’ll be what it is and I think I’m going to feel right at home there, even if I’m at home all by myself.
A couple of days ago, I woke up to the sound of a helicoptor. Since we live just a mile off of the only major highway going through our county, my first thought was medivac. But then it sounded like it was landing on the house. I got out of bed and looked out the window, but the trees blocked seeing anything. I figured it was a fluke (because when you are tired and you want to go to sleep, you can discount almost anything as a fluke!)
And then – here it comes again. This time, the spotlight got to the house before the helicoptor … the light came right in my bedroom window. I get up and look out the window again. The spotlight is shining on my car, at my front door, around the bushes, by the gate to the back yard. This was no fluke and I’m now about ready to hide under the bed.
Hubby comes out of the shower and I tell him what’s happening. He immediately closes the bedroom window, patio door, locks the deadbolt on the front door, tells me to get our daughter out of her room in the basement and bring her into our bedroom … and he got the pistol.
Let me interrupt myself here by saying that I’ve never been a big fan of having a gun in the house, but I was sure glad it was there that night.
I stop by the computer to check a Southern Maryland message board to see if anyone listening to the scanners knows what is going on. They did.
Just came over the scanner, BP gas station was just robbed. Male headed for the woods has a sawed off shot gun..
So I wake my daughter up find my daughter in bed on the computer when she should have been asleep, and tell her to come up to my room. She knew something was wrong and she’s almost 16 … can’t sugar coat it from her, so I told her what was going on.
Nice way to try to fall asleep.
The scum wasn’t caught either.
Seriously. I wish I had a pair.
Side note: I hope that everyone who falls off the blogging wagon and then decides to come back doesn’t come back with such a horrible effort as I have. Maybe it’s like quitting smoking … it just takes a few tries.
Back to the blinders. I need a pair. Do they make them for people?
Other side note: I’ve got about 20 pending applications out right now – trying to work my way up the ladder. I’m thinking it’s a really smart idea that I find a way to make more money than I do right now … and I’m thinking it’s a really smart idea to start socking some away.
Blinders. I think they would help.
It’s time for the annual air show hosted by the Andrews Air Force Base!
It’s unnerving at first because when the jets first start practicing ( the base is only about three miles from my office), it takes a few minutes before you remember the air show is this weekend and you’re finally able to shake the 9/11 feeling. Here at the office, the windows rattle, the building shakes and even though you’re inside, you can’t help but to feel that you want to duck your head down each time it sounds like they are roaring right on top of us.
But then it’s amazing and beautiful. If you haven’t been to a local military air show – GO! You’ll be glad you did.
God bless our military and their families.
Is this thing on?
What better way to start again than with a Random Tuesday post!
* I’ll have to go find Keely’s blog to enter the link here. I’m so out of the loop now. OK … got it .. now, can I remember what to DO with it? Hmmmm.
Random Tuesday! Hey … I did it!
* The huge news around these parts is …. it’s NOT raining today! I feel like it’s been raining for months and months … but the sun IS still out there! It is!
* Work blocked all of us from Facebook. Damn it. Do you have any idea how slow Sorority Life takes to load on a Blackberry? See, now all they’ve done is made it that it takes me 30 times longer to play the game than it used to. This is NOT an efficient use of my time people. I might have to get an iPhone if it loads the applications faster. Yes. Yes, I AM that addicted.
* I’m sorry I had to go hide under that rock for so long. I’ve been in a major mood … and couldn’t seem to shake it. It was ugly. It was all about how life sucked, how nobody cared, how nobody ever had my back, blah, blah, blah … and aren’t YOU glad you weren’t subjected to that mess every day? Oh, don’t get me wrong … I’m still game to bitch with the best of ’em … just didn’t want to do it every single day.
* I recently overhead this in the office: “My, what a big colon you have!” This was said by a very prim and proper woman to a man while in the lunchroom. I heard this – turned away and went back to my desk. I don’t even want to think about this. *shiver*
I’m taking “Buzzin By” offline for a while. I keep trying to come back and it just seems like my brain doesn’t want to cooperate. Writer’s block (that would make sense if I were a writer ;-P ) … spring fever … or whatever it is has got a hold of me. Seems kind of silly to post every week or so just to say that I don’t have anything to say.
So … I’m not deleting the blog … I’m just sending it to time-out. I’ll be stopping in to see ya’ll and I’m carrying on with Hasay … down 11 pounds total since February 2nd! And after some being out in the sunshine, some catching up with things at home, some simplifying … (in my best Arnold voice) “I’ll be back.”